Let’s be real: if you’re a small business owner or entrepreneur trying to grow online, the last thing you need is more noise in your inbox, your feed, or your head. But right now? The BS is flowing fast and thick—from fake certifications to AI snake oil.
And yes, I get these messages too.
People literally email me telling me my SEO is broken or my page speed score is 22 (it’s not)or promising to get me to page 1 of Google. Which just proves they haven’t looked at my site at all—and they’re counting on you not knowing that they haven’t looked at yours either.
So let’s break down a few of the latest marketing lies making the rounds right now, why they’re completely disconnected from real results, and what to do instead.
Lie #1: “We’ll Get You Listed in the ChatGPT Database!”
OMG I saw a sponsored post on this recently (talk about bad ad targeting – you don’t target someone who knows better!)
Here’s what they’re selling: a service that claims they can get your business “into the ChatGPT database” so you’ll show up when people ask for recommendations. Sounds cutting-edge, right?
It’s a total lie. Complete and utter 💩
ChatGPT is not a live search engine. It’s not a business directory. You can’t submit your business to it.
The model was trained on a historical snapshot of publicly available internet content, and unless OpenAI specifically scraped your website during that time (which you can’t control retroactively), your site won’t show up just because someone “says” they added you to ChatGPT’s database. (They can’t).
That’s not how this works. That’s not how any of this works.
What these companies are really doing is building a custom GPT and typing in your info so that when you use it and ask it “Who’s a good SEO expert?” for example (me … the answer is always me…), it spits out your business name.
That feels impressive—until you realize literally anyone can do this themselves in about five minutes. And no one else is accessing that custom GPT other than you (or they may share it with a few people … but no one is using it.)
It’s as meaningless as creating a Word doc with your name in big letters, saving it on your computer, not sending it to anyone, and calling it a “press mention.”
If someone promises to get you into ChatGPT, what they actually mean is:
“We created a chatbot that only you will use and says your name when we ask it to.”
And that is not the same thing as building real visibility, SEO authority, or long-term trust.
What actually works:
- Creating genuinely useful, human-centered content that gets found by real search engines – both old ones and new ones
- Structuring your website for both SEO and Generative Engine Optimization (GEO or AI SEO)—so that even AI tools can accurately summarize what you offer
- Building external credibility through backlinks, interviews, client features, and other actual signals of authority
Lie #2: “Get Certified in ChatGPT (and Charge Clients More!)”
Another case of bad ad targeting … I’ve seen these ads recently.
If you’ve seen ads saying you can get “ChatGPT Certified” and start offering AI services… please take a deep breath before clicking.
OpenAI (creators of ChatGPT) does not offer certifications.
There is no such thing as an official “ChatGPT Certification” from the creators of ChatGPT.
Sure, there are people out there creating their own courses and slapping a badge on it. That doesn’t make it valid, and it doesn’t make you an AI strategist. If you want this type of certificate just let me know and I’ll send you one, and make it pretty too.
If you want to learn how to use AI tools effectively, great—there are solid courses and real applications. But be skeptical of any training that leans too hard on vanity metrics or tells you to “sell the certification” more than the skill.
I’ve seen too many entrepreneurs waste time (and money) chasing flashy badges instead of building real authority through strategy and execution.
What actually builds credibility:
- Showing actual results from AI-enhanced workflows (case studies, before/after examples, etc.)
- Understanding when not to use AI—because real expertise means knowing the limits
- Being transparent with clients and integrating AI as part of a larger strategy, not a magic wand
Want to offer AI-enhanced services? Cool. But lead with value, not fake credentials.
Lie #3: “Vibe Marketing” or “Vibe Coding”
Let me translate “vibe marketing” for you:
They don’t know what they’re doing, but they’re really good at looking like they do.
“Vibe” is not a strategy.
“Vibe” doesn’t define target audience, test conversions, or prove ROI.
“Vibe” is a label slapped on top of people who are using free tools like ChatGPT or Midjourney without any real framework (or limited framework).
It’s just the latest way to pretend buzzwords = expertise. It’s hollow. It’s surface-level. And for entrepreneurs trying to actually grow, it’s a trap.
Because marketing is not about vibes. Well, I mean it is, sort of, but it isn’t about these vibes.
It’s about understanding human behavior, aligning messaging with value, and consistently moving people through your funnel—whether or not your Canva palette is on point.
“Vibe coding” is the tech-world twin: someone using GitHub Copilot or ChatGPT to write snippets of code and acting like they’ve built a revolutionary tool. It might look slick on a landing page, but under the hood? It’s often messy, unscalable, and breaks the second your business needs something real.
If someone’s selling you a vibe instead of a plan—with no clarity, no benchmarks, and no real explanation of how it moves your business forward—they’re not offering innovation. They’re offering noise dressed as insight.
If they can’t explain what they do without saying “vibe,” walk away.
Lie #4: “Your Website Has Issues!” (The SEO Spam Trap)
These emails drive me nuts.
You’ve seen them:
- “Your website has major issues…”
- “I just ran a free report and your SEO is broken…”
- “Your business isn’t showing up on page 1 of Google…”
- “Your PageSpeed score is only 22 out of 100…”
I get these messages too—and I do SEO for a living.
They’re all lies.
These emails are mass-generated using cheap software, often from offshore spam operations that rely on fear tactics.
The tool scrapes basic public data (your email address and URL) and they send you an email full of buzzwords. They didn’t run any report or audit. In most cases, they’ve never looked at your site at all.
If they had, they’d know mine ranks extremely well for hundreds of terms and brings in organic leads every week.
And sure they will send you a report if you ask. It just may not be accurate.
You’re not the problem. They are.
Here’s how to spot the fake ones:
- They reference your homepage but not your service pages, keywords, or industry
- Although I will say they’re getting better at having their AI scrapers find some of that info and automatically drop it into an email
- They claim your site isn’t mobile-friendly (when it is)
- They claim you’re not on Page 1
- They claim your website has errors
- They claim your website is slow
- They don’t explain how your marketing strategy fits into the bigger picture
- They say they ran an audit … but don’t actually give it to you without asking
What to do instead:
- Get an audit from someone who actually knows how to evaluate a business strategy, not just a single score. (Pssst … we provide these SEO audits free.)
- Look at your analytics over time—traffic, bounce rate, conversions—not just one tool’s metrics
- Follow your sales numbers $$
- Know that great SEO isn’t about vanity scores. It’s about outcomes.
You’re Not Falling for BS—You’re Being Targeted by It
Here’s the thing:
You’re sure not dumb. But you are busy. And the bad actors in the marketing world? They know that.
They count on you being overwhelmed and exhausted, so their fake urgency feels like a lifeline.
But it’s not. It’s a trap.
You’ve probably followed some bad advice before. You’re not alone in that.
What matters now is that you stop wasting time and money on trendy tactics that don’t deliver.
Here’s What to Do Instead
Start with real clarity, not fluff.
Want expert eyes on your whole marketing setup? Request a 360° Marketing Assessment—we’ll look at SEO, content, messaging, and more.
Ready to stop guessing and start growing smarter? Apply to join The Unscrewed Room—a no-fluff, lightly guided space where we fix the things that never should’ve been broken.
You don’t need “vibe.”
You don’t need fake badges.
You need marketing that works—for your business.
And that’s exactly what we do here.
Ready for a Smarter Way to Grow?
Ever feel like your marketing should be working better than it is? You’re not alone—and you’re not stuck.
Most businesses are working hard—but still missing the right strategic support.
Step into The Unscrewed Room—where growth-minded entrepreneurs get expert insights, no-fluff tools, and real guidance.
